Woah. Honestly I’m still in shock that this month has finally gotten here. I’m finally moving. I’m finally taking a step in the right direction. Or what I hope is something close in the right direction.
I can’t help but feel entirely bittersweet that this month has finally come. As packing came to a close and I realize that the only thing I have left is myself and a few tshirts, it’s come to dawn on me. I’m moving this week. Moving across the pond. Across the world from friends I’d made, and relationships I’ve built. (Seriously they’re the best! They got me the pen below and gave me the coolest Darth Vader card! In Spanish!!). I’ve come to realize that moving of my own accord is the hardest part about moving. Plus the actual moving portion.
I don’t want to leave behind the life I’ve built in Miami but I’m more than thrilled to see what awaits me in London. An adventure I’m not sure I’m ready to launch into but I’m more than ready to try. This has been a long time planning and a long time coming. It’s a shock it’s here but hey, time moves on without our consent, even with the social construct behind it.
My suitcase is packed to the brim, first time in my life I’ve traveled with this many things. I even have to leave stuff behind for my mother to bring me later. Packed to the brim as I am, and as nerve racking this flight might be, still I strive to look forward to it. As close as it is, this move has still not felt real, but instead as though it’s some hollow dream too far away for me to really grasp.
I know the moment I’m moved in and everything is settled that I’ll be able to feel as though it’s real. When I start earning money and paying rent. When I start contributing to things more it’ll feel as though I belong, as though this wasn’t all for shits. For now though, without things really glueing to me to one place, I feel lost in a state of limbo. Which way to do I go? How to manage what’s around me? What if I fail? What if I disappoint everyone around me? I feel a struggle to find who am I while not burning the bridges around me.
Yet, I can feel the voices of my friends cheering me on. I can hear them telling me they know I’ll become something. That I’ll make something of myself. These friends that I can start thinking about without crying about how much I’ll miss each and everyone of them. The friends around me this evening. The friends I’ll snapchat and eventually see when they visit or when I visit. These friends, they’re friends for life. I won’t lose contact with people as great as they are.
With their cheers I know I can accomplish anything. I can’t fail the ones I love. I won’t fail you guys I promise!
Here I go!
save the tears for when we win 